The Reality of Goodbye

I have started this entry what feels like 100 times. I know if I write down, my father being gone becomes that much more real and final. With services planned and people informed, acceptance of it all comes in waves. I’ve been comforted by the kindness of strangers and picked up by friends both near and far. Thanks to the wonders of Facebook, friends who I have not seen in many moons but have experienced this same thing have consoled me, counseled me and reminded me that although I can’t feel it now, one day it will get easier.

It becomes surreal when I go to pick up the phone and dial a number only to remember he’s not at the other end. It becomes strange to know it’s been 14 days since he’s been gone and 15 since I’ve seen him.  I wonder if he can hear me and I hope he really is in no pain. I feel like I have been abandoned but I know that isn’t the case. I know I am not experiencing anything new or different than anyone has or will go through.  I just wish we could have had more time

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One thought on “The Reality of Goodbye

  1. It's ironic you say that about the phone call… It's been 9 years since I lost my Dad, and EVERY year, bar none, I expect him to be there Christmas morning. Strange, I know…espceially since my Mom has remarried and we're usually now at their house…but there's something about the holidays that always makes me expect to see him.

    I often wonder if the abandonment feeling will ever go away. I am not angry about it anymore, just feel painful acceptance. I know for certain that I WILL see him again though…I just have a lot more to do here first. Good vibes and warm feelings being sent your way. Remember laughing with him and smiling and feeling whole. THOSE are the things that got me thru the first few months…and still bolster my spirits today.

    Like

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