What I am learning in this seemingly endless sabbatical is it’s time to take a new direction. I’m trying to use my first degree now and start writing, editing and proofreading. My large vision overall is to write a book or two, but I have not figured out how to come at it from the positive end of things. The more I begin that process, while it is cathartic and purposeful to me, I want it to have a larger meaning. In these last few years of loss and change and growth, it did not come without great pain and lack of understanding and a sense of betrayal. In general, people don’t understand that being cheery and up and positive when you live with anxiety and depression is a chore. It honestly takes effort and work. I remember hearing an essay a long time ago about optimism being a way of life and thinking, “what a load of crap.” They don’t know about pain or being knocked down. They don’t know about being left out or looked over or being sick or afraid. The trick is rising above all of that and still finding your voice to be o.k. That’s the daily struggle.